The Gap in the Kitchen

I don't picture eye contact when reminiscing my youth. I just don't, I don't recall it. Maybe it was there. I recall my mother's eyes were dark brown, like mine and my siblings. So, I must have looked. But, I doubt any of us saw past the pigmentation of the others' irises.

From the time around the kitchen table of my youth, what I do remember is disconnect, empty space, and vast distance. Inches were miles. Visibility was low. Like the gap between the kitchen table and the sink, where you couldn't look at both at the same time, being on opposite sides of the kitchen, so was the gap between our souls. We couldn't see each other and be seen at the same time.

In our family, we often had our backs facing each other, largely because we were busy being self-absorbed. It was all we knew. We seldom faced each other. Not that we were angry. We just had nothing to say. Even if we did, we had no skills with which to say it. Silence, we knew well, and talking to strangers. Even the strangers in our home.

If some family member were to blurt out, heaven forbid, "I love you," or something senseless like that, it wouldn't bridge the gap. Not even close. It'd be like trying to skip a pebble to the opposite shore of Lake Michigan. Why? There was no one there who would believe the pronouncement. Not I. It wouldn't fit our family dynamic at all. Besides, as far as I could tell, no one knew what it meant.

I perceived my mother's soul, her heart, was as cold as that porcelain sink once full of ice. Only, the ice had melted leaving it cold and empty.

No, that's too harsh. I'm certain she was a child at one time, too, though she never spoke of it. Surely, nurture had something to do with her nature.

"My mother did the best she could," I tell myself. Others nod. Though she has died years ago, 21 to be exact, I give her this excuse to deliver to me. She didn't ask for it. But if I don't give it to her, I will have to take responsibility for my experience of the parenting transaction. Yet, I want it to be done.

"Isn't it over already?" No, I answer myself, afraid of the truth. "Why does this past cling to me? Didn't I grow up and out of it, like my childhood asthma?" Another negative response comes to mind.

The truth is, so long as I deny it, such childhood trauma will live like a parasite in my heart, sucking the warmth from it, until I acknowledge its damaging existence and agree to open heart surgery. I didn't come up with this awareness by my lonesome; it needed to be rubbed in my face by a person I could trust, until I cried.

I realized someone had been filling the porcelain sink of my heart with chips and chunks of ice. That someone was me. I was doing it myself. Someone else I trusted pointed that out to me, gently guiding me. I didn't want to believe the hurtful gap in the kitchen, in my youth, was now the gap between my soul and another's. And unless I intentionally did the emotional work to heal that gap, it would only grow worse. Fellowship is a 2-way street. I had skills to learn and triggers to disarm.

I longed to bridge that gap by hearing the rich and meaningful sound of, "I love you." I longed to say such words and understand I wasn't merely lusting after attention I could die for.

I learned it's never too late to have a wonderful childhood.

It was time to grow up for the first time.

Salvation 101 (Part 4) - What Does It Mean to Be Saved?

What does it mean to be saved? 
It means to be justified. 

Not "just if I had" never sinned.
But justified as opposed to condemned.

Is it ever good enough that I behaved?

Let me look into Your Word,
And not depend on what I heard,
Then I'll understand how I was enslaved.

Salvation is not about behavior. 
Salvation is not even about personal sin.

Salvation is about going from condemnation to justification.
And by works of the law, no flesh shall be justified.

No one born of Adam escaped the sentence of condemnation.

No one does good. 
No one seeks after God. 
No one understands God.
No, not one.

That is what God decreed,
So we would see our need,
To depend on the love of a Savior,
And turn from self-righteous behavior.

We are absolutely saved by grace. It is a gift of God. 

There are no works involved; there can be no works, for works and grace cancel each other out.

We talk about a divine calling, but understanding that calling comes after salvation. 

Being born again is the starting point of understanding Spiritual things that pertain to us. God wants ALL people to be saved. 

Salvation is wonderful, don’t get me wrong.
It is also permanent and not dependent on any behavior, not even a lifestyle.

But salvation is not the end; it is the means. 
There’s more that God wants for us, much more!

To have the opportunity to discover how rich is this calling, be saved.

Do not resist the Holy Spirit, who is hard at work in your life to persuade you of God’s love. Christ has done all the work required to save your soul. 

Trust Him. 

Rely on Him for your soul salvation. 

Let Him do what we cannot do no matter how hard we work. 

So we can boast in Him.

Scripture References sprinkled throughout:
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. 
(Ephesians 2:8-9)

for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, 
(Romans 3:23-24)

For we hold that one is justified by faith apart from works of the law. 
(Romans 3:28)

For by works of the law no human being will be justified in his sight, since through the law comes knowledge of sin. 
(Romans 3:20)

as it is written: "None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one." 
(Romans 3:10-12)

Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God. 

(John 3:18)

Now to the one who works, his wages are not counted as a gift but as his due. And to the one who does not work but believes in him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is counted as righteousness, 

(Romans 4:4-5)

Nevertheless, I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you. But if I go, I will send him to you. And when he comes, he will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment: concerning sin, because they do not believe in me; concerning righteousness, because I go to the Father, and you will see me no longer; concerning judgment, because the ruler of this world is judged. 
(John 16:7-11)

Wild Acres Retreat, Little Switzerland, NC

Yesterday, the warm sun bathed the mountaintops with smooth rays. The breeze playfully unable to make up its mind from which way to come and to where it shall go. Refreshing blue skies with dabs of white cotton, afloat and unburdened.

Today, rain drains from clouds so close you're in them. Heavy drops tapping their arrival. "I'm here! And here, and here, and here!" God orchestrating these gentle beats while shiny green leaves dance in delight, one with the music, choreographed yet free.

Note to reader: I went to this place for a writer's retreat hosted by The Sun Magazine on May 19-21, 2017. It was my first ever, filled with workshops from wonderful instructors. There was also relaxed time to read, write, and network. I met some wonderful people and learned valuable lessons. I hope it's not my last. I loved it. (Special thanks to Mark for making it happen!)

The Kitchen Table of My Youth

I picture the kitchen table of my youth as mostly bare and vacant. Visions play back like a bad Super-8 home movie when color film first became popular: faded color washed in cloudy yellowish muck, magnified hairs floating on and off the screen, camera skips and shakes.

It's a small rectangle with a hard, flat surface of cool gray Formica, unmistakable 70's style.

If I try to picture someone seated at the table, it's usually my mother my mind's eye recalls. A Kool menthol cigarette propped between two stiffly extended digits show smoking is not enough to relax her. Neither is the Schlitz can of beer in the other hand, nor the two combined, nor the idle, unfocused stare.

One long side of the table, edged with dull silver metal and held up with skinny tubular legs, is against a wall. It only sits three unless we pull the table out from the wall. But we seldom ate together. We don't need the leaf. That's for when we have guests. The leaf remained like new.

On the other side of the kitchen, opposite the table is a wall-to-refrigerator counter top with an aged-white porcelain sink in the middle. There was a doorway with no door from the main hallway. The counter on the left, window straight ahead, kitchen table on the far right, stove on the immediate right.

Passing between the table and the stove, I could go through another door-less doorway into the dining room where we had holiday dinners with our small, extended family, usually my grandmother and sometimes my uncle, or we did homework during school months, until we started partying instead.

If I stood in the kitchen at that doorway, I'd be directly behind my mother, her back to me, with the wall oven on my right, next to the stove I'd pass. If I glanced downward to the left to the area in front of my mother, I could see the cigarette burning and drops of liquid at the lip of the beer can near its opening.

But, I didn't have to be directly behind her to see those things. I could see them anywhere, anytime. Those images of her as the numb central character of my youth, supposedly playing the role of my mother, smoking packs and drinking from cans, were already etched on the screen of my primary visual cortex. That's probably why I mostly remember the kitchen table as bare and vacant.

I don't know what she saw from glazed eyes when she looked out the window across the table from her seat. Probably not much. I don't know what she saw from glazed eyes when she looked at me.

Is Heaven Loud? (Letters to My Father - May 29, 2017)

Is heaven loud? If not now, will it be when I get there?

Will the sound of 24 elders falling prostrate, casting crowns, offering You praise with harps and lutes- will that sound carry?

Do thousands of angels murmur in crowds near and far?

Are there 12 choirs of 12,000 led by four living creatures making loud melody and harmony like roaring thunders?

Will even You rejoice over me with loud singing?

"And the angels said with a loud voice..."

Then how will You respond when I tell You I've fallen in love?

It's true.

I've fallen in love with peace and quiet.

Please don't be mad at me.

Please don't yell.

(May 29, 2017)

Hearty Trail Mix

... or "Trail Mix from the Heart."

Lately, I've been sharing serious lessons I've learned about God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and Christian doctrine from Scripture, that is, the Holy Bible. Such revelations have had profound impact on my identity as a Christian. Yet, they are not commonly taught. Nor are they commonly accepted.

As a result, I don't trust most churches to teach what they ought. In fact, many have made a blatantly profitable business out of organized religion. The raw gospel, however, has a different intention.

My desire in these lessons is to give you verifiable truth about Christ. There are more lessons to come. But, at this time, I wish to share other parts of who I am and what I've been through. I want to get real.

Here comes the Hearty Trail Mix...

I want to share so much of what is in my heart. I desire to be vulnerable and genuine. What my Christian beliefs are is just one aspect, albeit a critical one in my life. Beyond this, my life has other aspects as well, soulful ones, human ones, ugly and pretty, which connect us all.

I'd like to share stories from my life that reveal more of who I am. Occasionally, I'll sprinkle in some shorter pieces I hope you will enjoy. I'd like to share some major and minor events from my life that have helped shape my spiritual journey, contributed to life decisions, and brought me to this point: my life is meaningless unless I bring compassion and joy to someone else's. And then, we shall discover together what David meant in Psalm 23 when he said, "My cup overflows."

Sharing my stories is my gift to you. If there's to be any value in this gift, let it be connection. 

So, it's time to mix things up a bit. I have things I want to write and share, some of which I've wanted to write and share for a long time. I was too scared then, making excuses too easy to come by.

Now it's time for me to face my fear; to do the thing I'm afraid to do. To paraphrase Beethoven, "What I have in my heart must come out. That is reason why I write."

I hope you join me. I hope you find something thoughtful for yourself. And may some fruity or nutty trail mix nugget touch your heart.

Delight in Steadfast Love (Letters to My Father - April 26, 2017)

Dear Father,

You delight in steadfast love, justice, and righteousness, and I delight in You. Give me the desires of my heart. Rejoice over me with gladness and loud singing.

I love You and diligently seek You, to know and understand Your deep thoughts and Your gracious ways, intimately, and to love the One whom You have sent, the firstborn of many brothers. For Jesus is my first love, and eagerly seeking You is my first work. Come, make Your home in my heart.

With all my love:
All my heart, mind, soul, and strength,

Dwight
April 26, 2017

Derailed, But Not Impaled

Can you be derailed and not be impaled? Absolutely! I was.

I've been derailed recently; over a month has lapsed since I last posted on this blog. Actually, there were a few derailments in this short period of time. A lot can happen that can keep us busy, or not happen which requires even more work. It hurts not being able to do what you'd love to do.

Most of all, worst of all, I was derailed and distracted from my first love: spending time with my Father. It was depressing. I was perplexed that so many worldly things were snatching my time away without asking my permission. Yes, it was underscored by a hope that would never fade. Joy was merely masked for a moment. But, unwanted company was at my side, clawing for attention.

If the subject is Bible doctrine, I love to write it, speak it, study it, teach it, and coach with it. I also love riding my Rocky Mountain mountain bike. Yet, for the past four weeks I didn't write, and barely studied. Nor have I rested easy, making it challenging to focus on anything. I didn't ride much either.

A few days ago, I was riding around the parking lot where I live and my mountain bike split in two. CRACK! BAM! The pavement kissed me hard, fast, dry and gritty on the cheek. I hate when that happens. I didn't kiss it back. Fortunately, I only got a couple small scrapes. Nothing broken, except my bike. I kept the sores moist and bandaged, and they've since healed, also fortunately. But, the lesson goes on...

I've fallen in life, too, and had to get back up. Financially. Career-wise. Relationships. I've also fallen away from God, when my faith was weak. Humbled, I drew near to Him again. My thoughts were scattered several times, not knowing who or what to believe.

But, now I'm refocused on His word and strive to understand His thoughts. Many lessons have been learned, the hard-as-pavement way. Now I know what and why I believe, and for that I'm grateful.

If only the bike had been maintained, the snap of the frame could've been predicted and avoided. I wouldn't have been smacked by the pavement. It could've been on a rugged trail somewhere, and much bloodier. No need to turn the other cheek, I got the message.

If only my walk by the Spirit was maintained, I could've predicted and resisted the distractions, and instead soaked in the comfort of my new identity in Christ. I wouldn't have had to be jolted awake and reminded of my highest priority, my deepest desire, and His love for me. It would've been ingrained. Not like the pavement crumbs in the skin of my cheek. But, like His love quickened in my transformed heart.

If I come out on the other side wiser and stronger, isn't falling good?

Hardly. The common theme in all these lessons is not the healing, which is a good thing. It's the loss of time, which is not good. I'm stubborn when it comes to learning that lesson: things profound but not screaming for attention should be my highest priority.

A sense of urgency is to be applied to what is truly most important to me. It is my reason why. Why does it matter? Why am I here? Why do I believe and do the things I do? I'm fooling myself if I think I can attend to important things later in life. How many chances will I get until I get it right? Later in life is now.

A dear friend reminded me of this process --the scraping and healing, proud falling and humble exaltation, coming to know the glory and love of Christ by sharing in His sufferings-- when he shared some verses about our suffering in this world. May I focus on Him all the more, now, and not wait for the next reminder.

We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. (2 Corinthians 4:8-10)

So, why wait? Eternity starts now.

And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent. 
(John 17:3)

Amen!

Salvation 101 (Part 3) - How Can I Be Saved?

Rest for Your Souls...

How can anyone be saved? This question jumps ahead a bit from where we left off, a leap of faith if you will (ha ha, pun intended). We considered a bit of the 'what' and 'why' of salvation, and there's more to come in that regard. But, let's take a moment to consider what God is doing here by investigating the 'how' of salvation.

I hope looking at how one is saved will contribute to your understanding and appreciating His perspective of what "Salvation by Grace" means, according to what the Bible actually teaches.

It's been awhile since I've posted, so feel free to review those as needed. The previous two questions were "Saved? Saved from what?" and "Why do I need to be saved?" So...

How can I be saved? Believe.

How can anyone be saved? Trust.

How can one be saved? Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ. Trust Him for the salvation of your soul. Rely on Him 100% to take responsibility for your eternal life. After all, He did the work, all of it.

Scripture answers this question simply, directly. But, you wouldn't know it from common religious teachings. Many religious leaders either over-complicate salvation. Or, they hardly talk about it and instead talk about principled-living. Both groups claim to know what God wants; either obey these rules and barely avoid punishment, or apply these principles and live a prosperous, godly life. Often what's taught is a confusing mix of the two.

Why are these overly complex things taught? Because the simplicity of the gospel is offensive to our sin nature. So, in order to avoid being offended by the cross, that is, the complete entirety of the work of salvation done by Christ on our behalf, and to still sound authoritative, there are teachings about having to do something as if to prove we really believe or (worse) to earn a good standing with God by doing what He says. It gratifies the sin nature to think we can do good and be pleasing to God. Yet, He doesn't want our works or any efforts before we're saved.

as it is written: "None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one." 

(Romans 3:10-12)

To the religious, religion is mostly about obedience to rules, especially moral and ethical rules. Many Christians proudly claim to obey the Ten Commandments. This often translates into what some experience as judgment against them, as if they're not worthy to be saved, or their positions on political issues are the hurdles that must be overcome. Others see this as hypocrisy and are left confused. How can one claim to be obedient to such high standards as God's righteousness and be imperfect at the same time? Why do some act as though they are being made perfect via behavior modification when they are not and cannot?

To the 'spiritual but not religious', spirituality is mostly about manifesting the rare and intangible qualities of love, kindness, gentleness, awareness, inner peace, joy, etc. Again, the emphasis is on behavior modification, perhaps overshadowed by strong emotions, as if it's how we feel that determines our Christianity. It's about being passionate, compassionate, humane, gentle, caring, loving, and even tolerant. It involves calming rituals, singing spiritual songs, and reaching out to others to improve their quality of life. These are all good things, but they are not the gospel of our soul salvation.

To those who point out James 2:26 and echo, "Faith without works is dead," I say go back and read the whole chapter. See that James is not talking about the salvation of your soul. He's talking about a practical faith that is useless to our fellow human beings if it is not put into action. First, one believes and is saved, then they learn what God's purpose is for the church, the body of Christ (versus Israel) through study of His word. After we know His plan and purpose, only then can we do the works for which we were created in Christ Jesus. I'd also say go back and study Romans chapters 3 and 4. No one is justified by works. Rather, we are justified by His grace as a gift.

Yes, we should have moral integrity, respect for authority, and compassion for our fellow human being. We should be joyful and rejoice in our hearts, yet weep with those who weep. But those are not the things that save our souls.

Salvation is a gift of God offered freely to all, and given to those trust and believe in it. He did all the work. All of it! Completely!

It reality, what God wants is simple:

[God,] who desires all people to [step 1] be saved and [step 2] to come to the knowledge of the truth.

(1 Timothy 2:4)

Step 1: Be saved. 

Step 2: Come to the knowledge of the truth. 

Note that Step 1 is a prerequisite. This isn't like losing weight and then having to maintain the weight loss. God gives us a deposit of the Holy Spirit as a guarantee of our salvation (Eph 1:13-14). I think we can trust and rely His guarantee. So, start there; be saved and understand what that means.

Next time human wisdom claims to know you need to do, listen to what God has hidden from the learned and wise of this world and revealed to babes, the humble in spirit; it is simply by His grace we are saved through believing in His solution, the work of Christ. The Father gives it to us because He loves us, not because we've earned it or somehow proved we believe or are worthy. Here, then, are two simple passages that make it plain:

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. 

(Ephesians 2:8-9)

Then he brought them out and said, "Sirs, what must I do to be saved?" And they said, "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household." 

(Acts 16:30-31)

I think these passages most directly answer the question of "How?" It also becomes clear it is all about His grace and His work. It seems to me the only ones who don't believe in the simple gospel are the ones who find it hard to believe it could be so simple. They are hard-pressed to make it about somehow making ourselves worthy to be saved. But, as John MacArthur said, "If you could lose your salvation, you would."

When you truly come to Him, and know you trust Him, your inner response will be like a huge sigh of relief: rest. His own Son was the sacrifice required by God to justify the unrighteous. His sacrifice is what mattered entirely. Believe in it, trust in it, rely on it, rest in it, like a sleeping baby, born again, in the hands of a loving Parent.

The Shack Chat

Read 'The Shack?' Seen 'The Shack?' Love 'The Shack?' Hate 'The Shack?'

I hesitate to say anything about the book or the movie. There's plenty being said already. The problem is people are taking sides. One side, pro-Shack, claims to be true to the relational and forgiving characteristics of God, while the other side, anti-Shack, claims to be true to the holy and majestic attributes of God.

Is it evangelical or blasphemous? Both sides cannot be right at the same time because each requires the other side to be wrong. If it's evangelical, it can't be blasphemous. If it's blasphemous, it can't be evangelical. Which side is right?

I think both sides are wrong; the story is neither evangelical nor blasphemous. I'll bet both sides are now united in at least one area: "This guy is nuts! What is he talking about? We can't both be wrong!" Here's what I mean...

It's wrong to take sides and miss the huge opportunity being made available.

With quarreling, any chance for a discerning conversation about spiritual matters, that could've taken place, is shut down before it starts. Rather, what's become important is to pick a side.

Is that the goal? Do we want people to pick a side based on how persuasive that side is in the review of a fictional book or movie? Isn't there something much bigger to discuss?

In quarreling, both sides are dismissing the other side's claims. If you think that is effectively evangelizing or contending for the faith, think again. Coming to one side because we want to avoid the other is like having the same motivation as a rebellious teenager.

Neither side is gently teaching nor reasonably considering the whole truth of God, with the audience at hand, from a Biblical perspective. Rather, each side is stating why they are right and the other side is wrong.

As a result, all of us are missing out on the opportunity to come to the full knowledge of the truth according to God's word.

If we're arguing, count me out. I don't want to be associated with either 'side'. But, if we're discussing biblical doctrine, by all means, count me in!

As a Christian, I believe there's one thing we can all love about 'The Shack', even if one hasn't read the book or seen the movie or wants to; it can start a wonderful conversation about things that concern God,

who wants all people to be saved and come to the full knowledge of the truth.

(1 Timothy 2:4)

According to Scripture, it's not about picking sides. It's shameful to shut down someone who is questioning or yielding to spiritual information. If unsaved, then who are we to judge who shall be saved? Paul talks about being all things to all people that he may save some...

I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some. 

(1 Corinthians 9:22b)

If they are saved, Paul refers to hindering their growth in truth and grace as putting a stumbling block in front of a brother or sister.

Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother or sister. (Romans 14:13)

Who's to say God won't use a fictional story for good? The main character of the story, Mack, is obviously questioning and then yielding to spiritual information, albeit from a fictional stand-point.

In reality, isn't this how we all came to Christ, whether gently as a bubbling brook, or harsh as a winter gale? "For such were some of you..."

What if this situation were real and Mack was your neighbor? How would you respond to his inquiries and objections? How would you reconcile your answers to Scripture and show him God's reality versus your own opinion?

What if Mack was as quiet about spiritual matters in real life as represented in the story? He saves the hard questions for God and hides them from his own wife, even from his own life. Would we be so courageous as to bring up the fresh memory of an ugly tragedy in order to get him to open up?

I've asked myself those questions. I don't know if I could do it, or even should. Could I handle the grief and anger he must feel and would potentially unleash in my presence? Or would I merely walk away from this tipping point saying, "That must be tough. I can't imagine. I'll pray for you."

This situation is, in fact, real. We have neighbors who have questions and objections. We have neighbors who have been hurt so deeply we cannot imagine. We have neighbors who would fight tooth and nail against the grace of God.

Personally, I'm grateful for such fictional works if it affords me the opportunity to lead others to God, or to at least engage in some conversation about spiritual matters, such as grace and truth.

Perhaps, I'm especially grateful for those works if human trauma is in the way of someone being genuine and vulnerable. It takes a lot to create a safe place. I don't know how to unlock someone's heart so forcibly held shut. If fiction is the catalyst that creates opportunity for the hurt and lost to talk about God and Scripture, so be it.

Yes, 'The Shack' is a powerful work of fiction. It might just be the key to unlock eternal questions in your heart. But, let's remember, it's only fiction. It does not accurately teach Bible doctrine and we shouldn't expect it to. That's not the role of a work of fiction.

But, neither are we as Christians accurately teaching Bible doctrine if instead we are busy establishing and picking sides, as if the characteristics and attributes of God could be separated.

Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love. 

(Ephesians 4:15-16)