GUILTY!
That's how I feel anyway. I don't even know where or how to start this blog entry. It takes a lot for me to even be here. I feel I should have caffeinated myself last night and stayed up all night to work, like I did the night before. I feel like I should be doing the impossible and working three times as hard without much sleep, if any. Now, because I didn't stay up, I feel overwhelmed thinking I'll never get anything done well with so much to do. Where is my God in all this? Why has He abandoned me to suffer like this?
"If you have so much to do, then why are you...?"
Writing in my blog? Good question. I must be here. At times like this, I must be careful not to give way to negative thoughts and energy. It can be very draining and make it even harder to get anything done. Writing helps bring clarity to how I will approach my day. Sometimes, just the title of a book can be thought-provoking to me. I still have such a book I used for a college course many years ago. I believe it was in English I. The book title is Thinking in Writing. That's what I'm doing here.
"If you are a Christian, then why aren't you...?"
Joyful? Great; more guilt! I'm reading a book with my wife each morning called Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper. In it, the author clearly states his case, based on biblical scripture, that suffering is the means by which we bring glory to Christ (and, as a Christian, that is our purpose). We should rejoice in our suffering (James 1:2-3). In contrast, Dietrich Bonhoeffer talks about 'cheap grace' in his book, The Cost of Discipleship, which is the grace of the gospel accepted superficially when the love of Christ should change a life radically. There is the avoidance of suffering and the seeking of the comforts of life in cheap grace.
Where is the radical change in my life? Actually, that's what I'd like to know. Sure, I'm suffering through a lot of stress brought about by financial difficulties. But, this is not the kind of suffering I imagine John Piper, or Jesus for that matter, means. (I think of persecution, not prosecution.) Rather, I feel like I'm being tested here. God is testing my faith. Where will I turn when things are tough? Undoubtedly, the devil relishes in the murky despair I feel over of my situation, and gladly pours on the boiling guilt to prompt me into panicky action, promptly neglecting to pray.
Writing is my opportunity to "resist the devil and he will flee from you" (James 4:7). I am here, writing in my blog, to rediscover my faith and "be still and know that [He is] God" (Psalm 46:10). It is through my writing that I come back to what is important, listen to my heart, and feel inspired and, possibly, be inspirational. Writing is my radical change.
So, how do I feel now? Calmer, much calmer. Confident that God is with me through my suffering, no matter how unbiblical that suffering may seem. I did not write just now because I sought comfort, yet it was comforting. I see now that my suffering for Christ starts with merely confessing Him, and I can certainly rejoice in that. I can wipe my tears of self-pity and make it through another day - with joy in my heart, and praise and thanksgiving on my lips. You, dear reader, have a joyous and blessed day yourself, for "This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it" (Psalm 118:24).
Special thanks to Milli for leaving such a timely comment in my previous entry.
PS - The title of this blog was taken from a line of a Simon & Garfunkel song (The 59th Street Bridge Song) except the original word was 'groovy' not 'guilty'.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Then & Now and Now & Then
Two years ago, I said I would follow my heart's passion and write more. (Write to Heal) I've written a few entries since then, but this hardly constitutes evidence of my heart overflowing with creativity.
I need to 'fess up. Most of my entries were lessons given, not lessons learned. In 'Write to Heal' I made myself vulnerable and it was appreciated. I was encouraged by the feedback. And I learned a lot.
I recently told my wife I wanted to write again. I needed that creative outlet. She said, and I paraphrase, "Well, you usually write about ideas and stuff. Why not write about you?" She told me the story of another relative who writes and concluded, "Know what I love about his writing? It's real. It's inspiring, but it's really him and things he goes through, good and bad."
I thought, "I could do that." (Actually, I already knew I could do this because I've done it!) I not only felt I was wasting my talent (if I may be so bold to admit to having any), but I was hiding behind it, too. Most of my blog entries here barely scratch the surface. Vulnerability? Nah! It's merely a flesh wound! ("What are you going to do? Bleed all over me?")
Be prepared to squirm. Be prepared to cry and sometimes sob. Be prepared for a genuine belly-laugh. Be prepared for bitter-sweet laughter. Be prepa... - I'm talking to myself, by the way - ...red for open honesty. Be prepared to be scared. Be prepared to love and be loved. Be prepared to be hurt and feel lonely. Be prepared to know real joy and peace.
I want to - scratch that. I will write about my current faith and my childhood experiences; my struggles and fears; my many losses and stupid mistakes; my roles as family, friend, father, and husband; my pursuit of work and desire for play. In the end, I still have hope. In fact, I have more hope than when I started. But not in me, however, in Him. I'll tell you something about that soon, maybe next in my next blog entry. Until then, it's now and then.
Disclaimer - My intention is to inspire others to be genuine, vulnerable, and follow their hearts. In the process of being real, I may offend some. For this, I apologize in advance. Please forgive me.
I need to 'fess up. Most of my entries were lessons given, not lessons learned. In 'Write to Heal' I made myself vulnerable and it was appreciated. I was encouraged by the feedback. And I learned a lot.
I recently told my wife I wanted to write again. I needed that creative outlet. She said, and I paraphrase, "Well, you usually write about ideas and stuff. Why not write about you?" She told me the story of another relative who writes and concluded, "Know what I love about his writing? It's real. It's inspiring, but it's really him and things he goes through, good and bad."
I thought, "I could do that." (Actually, I already knew I could do this because I've done it!) I not only felt I was wasting my talent (if I may be so bold to admit to having any), but I was hiding behind it, too. Most of my blog entries here barely scratch the surface. Vulnerability? Nah! It's merely a flesh wound! ("What are you going to do? Bleed all over me?")
Be prepared to squirm. Be prepared to cry and sometimes sob. Be prepared for a genuine belly-laugh. Be prepared for bitter-sweet laughter. Be prepa... - I'm talking to myself, by the way - ...red for open honesty. Be prepared to be scared. Be prepared to love and be loved. Be prepared to be hurt and feel lonely. Be prepared to know real joy and peace.
I want to - scratch that. I will write about my current faith and my childhood experiences; my struggles and fears; my many losses and stupid mistakes; my roles as family, friend, father, and husband; my pursuit of work and desire for play. In the end, I still have hope. In fact, I have more hope than when I started. But not in me, however, in Him. I'll tell you something about that soon, maybe next in my next blog entry. Until then, it's now and then.
Disclaimer - My intention is to inspire others to be genuine, vulnerable, and follow their hearts. In the process of being real, I may offend some. For this, I apologize in advance. Please forgive me.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Be grateful, all the time.
If you cannot find time, make it.
If you have time, take it.
If you took time, be grateful.
Be grateful you found time.
Time when needed can never be found,
yet time not heeded can easily be lost.
I made up this little poem to remind me that I can always make time, take time, and that it starts and ends with being grateful.
If you have time, take it.
If you took time, be grateful.
Be grateful you found time.
Time when needed can never be found,
yet time not heeded can easily be lost.
I made up this little poem to remind me that I can always make time, take time, and that it starts and ends with being grateful.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
A Simple Formula for Success
I was recently listening to Earl Nightingale's program called "Lead the Field". In it, he talks about many fundamental truths about success. For example, he says, "luck is when preparedness meets opportunity, and opportunity is always there." In other words, if you seek to have good luck, get prepared for the opportunities that already surround you. Here's another gem...
I slept and dreamt that life was joy.
I awoke and saw that life was service.
I acted and behold, service was joy.
Rabindranath Tagore
The formula for success is simple, and its beauty is in its simplicity.
I slept and dreamt that life was joy.
First, you will find yourself sleeping, but that first discovery is key. The power of awareness is the seed of change. Now that you know you're sleeping, dream of what could be. Here, it is revealed that life is joy. What is your dream?
I awoke and saw that life was service.
Second, the clarity of your dreams - what you want and why you want it, both in detail - will open your eyes to see tasks that maybe, just maybe, you can do. Why, of course you can do these tasks given to you! But doubt and fear will try to persuade you otherwise. Conversely, you will not see these tasks if you do not dream, or if your dream is not clear enough.
I acted and behold, service was joy.
Third, do the tasks you now see with the purpose and vision of pursuing the very dream(s) that shed light on these actions. You will discover the joy of the journey. Happiness is a direction, not a destination. In addition, that discovery will never cease to amaze you. Let it be a profound source of wonder as you discover that, after all, life is joy, just as you dreamt.
My journey includes...
Personally, I love certain famous quotes because they help me stay focused on my journey. At first, it can be easy to see the pursuit as fruitless when we encounter difficulties. After a while, we see the difficulties as necessary challenges that help us grow. After that, we come to know that growth is what makes this journey, called life, such a wonderful adventure.
"You must do the thing you think you cannot do."
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Our doubts are traitors,
And make us lose the good we oft might win
By fearing to attempt.
- William Shakespeare
"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.".
- Henry Ford
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
- Marianne Williamson
The key to a successful journey is momentum.
To venture on a new path is exciting, even exhilarating, at first. It would be wise to note that the burst of energy is there for a reason. Your environment must also change in order to support the journey. Your immediate surroundings, however, sometimes known as your comfort zone, will insist you do not risk the unknown. This is an illusion. For the real risk is in not changing. Change is inevitable. Growth is not. Build momentum with focus and enthusiasm. What's your intention?
I slept and dreamt that life was joy.
I awoke and saw that life was service.
I acted and behold, service was joy.
Rabindranath Tagore
The formula for success is simple, and its beauty is in its simplicity.
I slept and dreamt that life was joy.
First, you will find yourself sleeping, but that first discovery is key. The power of awareness is the seed of change. Now that you know you're sleeping, dream of what could be. Here, it is revealed that life is joy. What is your dream?
I awoke and saw that life was service.
Second, the clarity of your dreams - what you want and why you want it, both in detail - will open your eyes to see tasks that maybe, just maybe, you can do. Why, of course you can do these tasks given to you! But doubt and fear will try to persuade you otherwise. Conversely, you will not see these tasks if you do not dream, or if your dream is not clear enough.
I acted and behold, service was joy.
Third, do the tasks you now see with the purpose and vision of pursuing the very dream(s) that shed light on these actions. You will discover the joy of the journey. Happiness is a direction, not a destination. In addition, that discovery will never cease to amaze you. Let it be a profound source of wonder as you discover that, after all, life is joy, just as you dreamt.
My journey includes...
Personally, I love certain famous quotes because they help me stay focused on my journey. At first, it can be easy to see the pursuit as fruitless when we encounter difficulties. After a while, we see the difficulties as necessary challenges that help us grow. After that, we come to know that growth is what makes this journey, called life, such a wonderful adventure.
"You must do the thing you think you cannot do."
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Our doubts are traitors,
And make us lose the good we oft might win
By fearing to attempt.
- William Shakespeare
"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.".
- Henry Ford
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
- Marianne Williamson
The key to a successful journey is momentum.
To venture on a new path is exciting, even exhilarating, at first. It would be wise to note that the burst of energy is there for a reason. Your environment must also change in order to support the journey. Your immediate surroundings, however, sometimes known as your comfort zone, will insist you do not risk the unknown. This is an illusion. For the real risk is in not changing. Change is inevitable. Growth is not. Build momentum with focus and enthusiasm. What's your intention?
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Ascend and Give Off Luster
or... Rise and Shine!
What does that phrase mean? Does it mean to ignore your early morning grogginess and make your best effort to smile? I hope not. In most cases, that wouldn't be pretty. Does it mean to begin each day with enthusiasm? Hey! I like that idea. But, can you force it if you don't feel it?
Perhaps it means something more. I like to think of it as meaning to intentionally change so as to mature and inspire. I need to be careful of lateral growth. I really don't need another extremity! Yet, I can often find myself thinking small, as if I'm afraid of the light that is within me. That light can inspire others to grow without my even trying. Exposing my light can give them permission, hope, and courage to introspect and discover their own light. Imagine how bright the world could be!
Deep down, I know the characteristics of maturity: integrity, humility, generosity, wisdom, thoughtfulness, godliness, etc. On the surface, the child within me frequently holds me back. He is afraid he will get left behind. He worries that his needs have gone, and will continue to go, unmet. But, I only need to embrace him and ensure him that he'll be right by my side, close to my heart. I will love and protect him. I also love the quote, "Everyone has a Higher Power, and you're not it." It reminds me that there is a huge chasm between saying I believe in God and actually believing Him. Acknowledging Him through prayer, meditation, worship, and study of scripture, is a key aspect in the growth of my soul. Otherwise, I find that it was merely my ego that expanded.
What is light? In a word, truth. What is my light? The truth as it applies to my experiences: past, present, and future. I must remember, however, that I can never truly relive my past, nor am I truly alive in a period for which the time has not yet come. Life is always in the present. I can learn from the past. I can hope and plan for the future. The more I am in the present, the more I am alive, and the more I am alive, the brighter my light and the longer its tail.
Yes, rise and shine is a daily reminder. But, it means more than smiling or forcing enthusiasm at the dawn of each day. To me, rise and shine is a personal and powerful invitation to be the man I was created to be, even if it scares me. I've heard that courage is not the absence of fear, but being afraid and doing the fearful thing anyway. I pray that God will grant me the strength and courage to accept and fully embrace such an invitation. That is the essence of my daily prayer.
By the way, the early bird gets the worm, but the worm gets no sleep. I'd choose the early bird. What's your choice?
What does that phrase mean? Does it mean to ignore your early morning grogginess and make your best effort to smile? I hope not. In most cases, that wouldn't be pretty. Does it mean to begin each day with enthusiasm? Hey! I like that idea. But, can you force it if you don't feel it?
Perhaps it means something more. I like to think of it as meaning to intentionally change so as to mature and inspire. I need to be careful of lateral growth. I really don't need another extremity! Yet, I can often find myself thinking small, as if I'm afraid of the light that is within me. That light can inspire others to grow without my even trying. Exposing my light can give them permission, hope, and courage to introspect and discover their own light. Imagine how bright the world could be!
Deep down, I know the characteristics of maturity: integrity, humility, generosity, wisdom, thoughtfulness, godliness, etc. On the surface, the child within me frequently holds me back. He is afraid he will get left behind. He worries that his needs have gone, and will continue to go, unmet. But, I only need to embrace him and ensure him that he'll be right by my side, close to my heart. I will love and protect him. I also love the quote, "Everyone has a Higher Power, and you're not it." It reminds me that there is a huge chasm between saying I believe in God and actually believing Him. Acknowledging Him through prayer, meditation, worship, and study of scripture, is a key aspect in the growth of my soul. Otherwise, I find that it was merely my ego that expanded.
What is light? In a word, truth. What is my light? The truth as it applies to my experiences: past, present, and future. I must remember, however, that I can never truly relive my past, nor am I truly alive in a period for which the time has not yet come. Life is always in the present. I can learn from the past. I can hope and plan for the future. The more I am in the present, the more I am alive, and the more I am alive, the brighter my light and the longer its tail.
Yes, rise and shine is a daily reminder. But, it means more than smiling or forcing enthusiasm at the dawn of each day. To me, rise and shine is a personal and powerful invitation to be the man I was created to be, even if it scares me. I've heard that courage is not the absence of fear, but being afraid and doing the fearful thing anyway. I pray that God will grant me the strength and courage to accept and fully embrace such an invitation. That is the essence of my daily prayer.
By the way, the early bird gets the worm, but the worm gets no sleep. I'd choose the early bird. What's your choice?
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Think About It
Finally, brothers [and sisters], whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. --Phillipians 4:8 (English Standard Version)
Why 'finally'? Because the end of all things is never about getting. When you think about the fine things of life, you are motivated to participate in life. To participate fully, you must give. The most precious thing to give is yourself. Fear not and do not be anxious, for we all shall receive when we give. (As ye sows, so shall ye reap.) But receiving should never be the reason we give. Instead, fill your thoughts and your hearts with beauty and truth; you will discover the meaning of life, even in the midst of disaster and death.
Why 'finally'? Because the end of all things is never about getting. When you think about the fine things of life, you are motivated to participate in life. To participate fully, you must give. The most precious thing to give is yourself. Fear not and do not be anxious, for we all shall receive when we give. (As ye sows, so shall ye reap.) But receiving should never be the reason we give. Instead, fill your thoughts and your hearts with beauty and truth; you will discover the meaning of life, even in the midst of disaster and death.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Thinking Thoughts & Giving Wings to Things
Thoughts are things. You become what you think about most. What you feel is real. As a man thinks, so is he. Vision without action is a dream; action without vision is a nightmare. Wake up!
The 'stickman' concept* used to describe the Law of Attraction symbolizes the process of choosing our thoughts and molding them into vivid dreams or clear visions, truly believing and feeling our dreams and clarifying our visions as if they have already happened, and then letting our dreams and visions motivate us into action with purpose, intention, focus, and passion. It shows that the seed of our desired results is planted as soon as the thoughts are deliberately chosen, no matter from whence they came.
So, I do not ask what I’m passionate about; I create the passion. It's hard work to force my focus upon the actions steps of someone else's project plan; it's easy to let my focus be upon what I deeply believe to be true. I do not make a clear plan of action without clearly knowing where I’m headed. A clear vision adds intensity to intention. I focus on changing me, not my circumstances. Changed circumstances are a result of changing who I am. Change the world from the inside out.
What thoughts, then, do I choose? I cannot choose money. Its abundance or lack in my life is merely a result of who I am, or what I’ve become, not a cause. Nor is it enough to ask what I would think and how I would feel if money were abundant in my life. Rather, what do I think and how do I feel now that money is abundant in my life? Those things, and my attitude, I can choose. I can choose to become, not have. However, having things and circumstances that support who I've become will show up in my life as a result. I can be stressed and anxious and claw at what I want, or I can simply have faith that this process is true and choose my being.
Again, what thoughts, then, do I choose? I choose to have undivided integrity in my life so that I become worthy of golden opportunities. I choose to have a very generous heart so that God will provide me with things to give away. I choose to know forgiveness and grace so that the voice of my heart grows boldly. I choose to always pursue truth and excellence so that I may inspire others to discover and exercise their gifts. I choose to always be mindful of my purpose and roles in life so that maturity and respect are earned, never assumed. I choose to work hard, as to the Lord and not men (Colossians 3:23), so that my resolve is not weakened by pride.
* The 'stickman' concept is a simple drawing of a stickman with a large head with a horizontal line drawn through it. The line divides the mind into Conscious and Subconscious halves. The idea is that Conscious thoughts and beliefs are willfully chosen. These thoughts and beliefs are implanted into the Subconscious mind through intentional repetition. (Other Subconscious beliefs, whether desirable or not, can be implanted through trauma, physical or otherwise.)
Our Subconscious minds determine our dominant actions through motivation and passion. That is, we mostly do what our Subconscious minds believe to be true. The result of our actions will ultimately reinforce our Subconscious beliefs by validating the Conscious thoughts we have chosen, and the cycle continues.
The body of the stickman houses the source of truth for us: our hearts. If we nurture the ability to listen to our hearts, we become aware or awakened, as some say. It follows that if we hear the voice of Truth speaking to us, we can choose those thoughts instead of the ineffectual ones we've heard from other people (family or society), and begin the cycle anew. Conversely, most people fail to listen and heed that voice. The result is that they reinforce a downward spiral of negative beliefs.
So, as you can see, the Law of Attraction is not a matter of 'positive thinking' alone, although that's a good start.
The 'stickman' concept* used to describe the Law of Attraction symbolizes the process of choosing our thoughts and molding them into vivid dreams or clear visions, truly believing and feeling our dreams and clarifying our visions as if they have already happened, and then letting our dreams and visions motivate us into action with purpose, intention, focus, and passion. It shows that the seed of our desired results is planted as soon as the thoughts are deliberately chosen, no matter from whence they came.
So, I do not ask what I’m passionate about; I create the passion. It's hard work to force my focus upon the actions steps of someone else's project plan; it's easy to let my focus be upon what I deeply believe to be true. I do not make a clear plan of action without clearly knowing where I’m headed. A clear vision adds intensity to intention. I focus on changing me, not my circumstances. Changed circumstances are a result of changing who I am. Change the world from the inside out.
What thoughts, then, do I choose? I cannot choose money. Its abundance or lack in my life is merely a result of who I am, or what I’ve become, not a cause. Nor is it enough to ask what I would think and how I would feel if money were abundant in my life. Rather, what do I think and how do I feel now that money is abundant in my life? Those things, and my attitude, I can choose. I can choose to become, not have. However, having things and circumstances that support who I've become will show up in my life as a result. I can be stressed and anxious and claw at what I want, or I can simply have faith that this process is true and choose my being.
Again, what thoughts, then, do I choose? I choose to have undivided integrity in my life so that I become worthy of golden opportunities. I choose to have a very generous heart so that God will provide me with things to give away. I choose to know forgiveness and grace so that the voice of my heart grows boldly. I choose to always pursue truth and excellence so that I may inspire others to discover and exercise their gifts. I choose to always be mindful of my purpose and roles in life so that maturity and respect are earned, never assumed. I choose to work hard, as to the Lord and not men (Colossians 3:23), so that my resolve is not weakened by pride.
* The 'stickman' concept is a simple drawing of a stickman with a large head with a horizontal line drawn through it. The line divides the mind into Conscious and Subconscious halves. The idea is that Conscious thoughts and beliefs are willfully chosen. These thoughts and beliefs are implanted into the Subconscious mind through intentional repetition. (Other Subconscious beliefs, whether desirable or not, can be implanted through trauma, physical or otherwise.)
Our Subconscious minds determine our dominant actions through motivation and passion. That is, we mostly do what our Subconscious minds believe to be true. The result of our actions will ultimately reinforce our Subconscious beliefs by validating the Conscious thoughts we have chosen, and the cycle continues.
The body of the stickman houses the source of truth for us: our hearts. If we nurture the ability to listen to our hearts, we become aware or awakened, as some say. It follows that if we hear the voice of Truth speaking to us, we can choose those thoughts instead of the ineffectual ones we've heard from other people (family or society), and begin the cycle anew. Conversely, most people fail to listen and heed that voice. The result is that they reinforce a downward spiral of negative beliefs.
So, as you can see, the Law of Attraction is not a matter of 'positive thinking' alone, although that's a good start.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
A Rabbit in a Habit
(or, How God Works... Sometimes)
There once was a rabbit in a habit,
A habit that she could not shake.
She wore this habit like hair,
But her friends always knew it was fake.
Thinking that this habit was real,
No effort to change did she make.
Yes, the habit had smothered her heart,
Stealing passion, for heaven's sake!
She promised herself, "I'll never marry,"
Never a muffin in the oven to bake.
Sharing life with similar rabbits,
She needed a different take.
Then one day her best friend died.
She buried her face and deeply cried.
There was no understanding, though she tried,
When death proclaimed, "your life has lied."
Grief tightly gripped her heart,
While she was sobbing at the wake.
The urge to escape then seized her,
So, she sought solitude at a lake.
It was there that her eyes were opened,
Her heart made the target of a rake.
Though it took an event that was no fun,
Her whole heart was wholly won.
She had no place nor desire to run,
Her own spirit had been undone.
Feeling as if she would lose a ton,
Made her long habit easy to shun.
Her life, she thought and muttered out loud,
Was only death, ashes, and no piece of cake.
The rabbit in a habit had a habit no more;
Then came a knock, and she opened the door.
She became rich who once was poor,
Singing and dancing she started to soar.
God's Spirit now in her was not folklore,
Nor was tradition, ritual, or what she wore.
She was filled with the Spirit to the core,
Life would be different now, not like before.
A habit that she could not shake.
She wore this habit like hair,
But her friends always knew it was fake.
Thinking that this habit was real,
No effort to change did she make.
Yes, the habit had smothered her heart,
Stealing passion, for heaven's sake!
She promised herself, "I'll never marry,"
Never a muffin in the oven to bake.
Sharing life with similar rabbits,
She needed a different take.
Then one day her best friend died.
She buried her face and deeply cried.
There was no understanding, though she tried,
When death proclaimed, "your life has lied."
Grief tightly gripped her heart,
While she was sobbing at the wake.
The urge to escape then seized her,
So, she sought solitude at a lake.
It was there that her eyes were opened,
Her heart made the target of a rake.
Though it took an event that was no fun,
Her whole heart was wholly won.
She had no place nor desire to run,
Her own spirit had been undone.
Feeling as if she would lose a ton,
Made her long habit easy to shun.
Her life, she thought and muttered out loud,
Was only death, ashes, and no piece of cake.
The rabbit in a habit had a habit no more;
Then came a knock, and she opened the door.
She became rich who once was poor,
Singing and dancing she started to soar.
God's Spirit now in her was not folklore,
Nor was tradition, ritual, or what she wore.
She was filled with the Spirit to the core,
Life would be different now, not like before.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
What is Truth?
Is truth important? If so, what exactly is "truth"? If not, why has this been pondered for ages? Can truth be known? Obviously, it doesn't have a simple answer or everyone would know it, right? Or, maybe the answer is too simple for us to believe and we've complicated it for centuries. Is truth the same as fact? How do we know whether or not something is true? Is truth the same (absolute) for everyone? Does truth pertain to science, religion, justice, self, spirit, or all of these? Is being truthful simply a matter of being honest? Where is truth? Is it out there or inside us? Do we need to diligently seek it, or just remember that we know it intuitively?
In this blog entry, the questions are important. So, I ask again, "What is truth?" Is it relative, as in 'what is true for you may not be true for me'? Is it reality? What is reality other than a conclusion based on incomplete and imperfect perceptions? Can truth be known? Does truth matter? Is truth scientific? That is to imply that it is not known to be true until science proves it as law?
Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet, "This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." Be what to thine own self? Honest in word and deed? Follow your heart? (What does that mean?) Sometimes, I ask myself these questions to remind myself that I think truth does matter. It is worthy of pursuit with all my heart, soul, and strength. However, "life" happens and I get busy and forget what was important because what seems urgent has taken over my schedule.
It is then I rediscover that I wasn't being true to myself. I was merely fooled that what seemed urgent to others was important to me, and truth became merely doing, with honesty, what I thought needed to be done for others. However, the lesson recurs as it had in my youth: the perception of others does not determine truth. In fact, it's more likely to be a lie, a white lie we would call it, that simply redirects my attention from truth.
What about the other extreme? Remember Lily Tomlin's character Edith Ann? The famous conclusion to her mischievous (and humorous) confessions was, "And that's the truth." Before ending the skit, the confession was immediately followed by the five year-olds' raspberries as if to dare the listener to challenge her concisely stated, absolute truth. Can we learn what is truth and not truth by observing the expressions of a toddler? Where, then, is maturity?
I thought that I cannot assert myself in a healthy way unless I'm simultaneously being true to myself. How can I serve or love others unless service or love overflows from my heart? Otherwise, I'm selfishly seeking to get some reward - a good feeling, karma perhaps - because without truth, I am not complete. But, even then, I wonder how love overflows in my heart by being true to myself. Something's missing from that gap.
Pontius Pilate once asked Jesus Christ a big question with small words, "What is truth?" (John 18:38) Jesus did not answer at that time. Jesus had previously stated to Thomas, in the presence of other disciples, on another occasion, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life." (John 14:6) He said this because, according to scripture, He is God's word. "And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth." (John 1:14) Then, because God's word is true, scripture adds, "Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth." (John 17:17) -- English Standard Version (ESV). Emphasis mine. Sanctification then, or spiritual growth in grace and truth, requires truth to be learned.
According to Christian scripture, the definition is cyclical: Jesus is God's word made manifest as human form, God's word is truth, therefore Jesus is truth.
Consider again, Jesus Christ's remark in John 14:6a, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life." Is to ask, "What is truth?" the same as asking, "What is Jesus Christ"? Pontius Pilate asked Jesus Christ, "What is truth?" He got no reply. What was that all about? Maybe because truth was standing right in front of him, and yet he could not recognize it, Pilate was actually getting the answer he could comprehend. That's heavy.
Perhaps, we either struggle to learn the truth, tell the truth, discover the truth, extend a little effort in those areas, or just we give up entirely. We give up and leave the daunting task to the rare and wise persons we call philosophers because we, too, have already received the answer we can comprehend.
Wow! That's also heavy. That sounds like a lot of effort to contemplate truth and I have other things to do, like take out the trash. But, what if scripture is right? What if truth is the only thing that really matters? In the end, is only Christ truth and everything else a waste of time? Then what do we call scientific fact? Maybe just that! How do I be true to mine own self? Maybe I can't on my own! (How would I know truth? What guides my conscience?) It seems that if there's something to be learned about truth, it's worth studying the one who call himself "truth."
What do you think? Does truth matter to you? Does your perception of "religious hypocrites" turn you off from seeking answers? Are you already spiritual or religious, but haven't thought in these terms? Is it simply being "open and honest?" Do you think it's a worthwhile pursuit to know truth? How about learning of Christ through scripture? Or do you feel/think truth is irrelevant to your life? Finally, how do you know something is true?
In this blog entry, the questions are important. So, I ask again, "What is truth?" Is it relative, as in 'what is true for you may not be true for me'? Is it reality? What is reality other than a conclusion based on incomplete and imperfect perceptions? Can truth be known? Does truth matter? Is truth scientific? That is to imply that it is not known to be true until science proves it as law?
Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet, "This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." Be what to thine own self? Honest in word and deed? Follow your heart? (What does that mean?) Sometimes, I ask myself these questions to remind myself that I think truth does matter. It is worthy of pursuit with all my heart, soul, and strength. However, "life" happens and I get busy and forget what was important because what seems urgent has taken over my schedule.
It is then I rediscover that I wasn't being true to myself. I was merely fooled that what seemed urgent to others was important to me, and truth became merely doing, with honesty, what I thought needed to be done for others. However, the lesson recurs as it had in my youth: the perception of others does not determine truth. In fact, it's more likely to be a lie, a white lie we would call it, that simply redirects my attention from truth.
What about the other extreme? Remember Lily Tomlin's character Edith Ann? The famous conclusion to her mischievous (and humorous) confessions was, "And that's the truth." Before ending the skit, the confession was immediately followed by the five year-olds' raspberries as if to dare the listener to challenge her concisely stated, absolute truth. Can we learn what is truth and not truth by observing the expressions of a toddler? Where, then, is maturity?
I thought that I cannot assert myself in a healthy way unless I'm simultaneously being true to myself. How can I serve or love others unless service or love overflows from my heart? Otherwise, I'm selfishly seeking to get some reward - a good feeling, karma perhaps - because without truth, I am not complete. But, even then, I wonder how love overflows in my heart by being true to myself. Something's missing from that gap.
Pontius Pilate once asked Jesus Christ a big question with small words, "What is truth?" (John 18:38) Jesus did not answer at that time. Jesus had previously stated to Thomas, in the presence of other disciples, on another occasion, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life." (John 14:6) He said this because, according to scripture, He is God's word. "And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth." (John 1:14) Then, because God's word is true, scripture adds, "Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth." (John 17:17) -- English Standard Version (ESV). Emphasis mine. Sanctification then, or spiritual growth in grace and truth, requires truth to be learned.
According to Christian scripture, the definition is cyclical: Jesus is God's word made manifest as human form, God's word is truth, therefore Jesus is truth.
Consider again, Jesus Christ's remark in John 14:6a, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life." Is to ask, "What is truth?" the same as asking, "What is Jesus Christ"? Pontius Pilate asked Jesus Christ, "What is truth?" He got no reply. What was that all about? Maybe because truth was standing right in front of him, and yet he could not recognize it, Pilate was actually getting the answer he could comprehend. That's heavy.
Perhaps, we either struggle to learn the truth, tell the truth, discover the truth, extend a little effort in those areas, or just we give up entirely. We give up and leave the daunting task to the rare and wise persons we call philosophers because we, too, have already received the answer we can comprehend.
Wow! That's also heavy. That sounds like a lot of effort to contemplate truth and I have other things to do, like take out the trash. But, what if scripture is right? What if truth is the only thing that really matters? In the end, is only Christ truth and everything else a waste of time? Then what do we call scientific fact? Maybe just that! How do I be true to mine own self? Maybe I can't on my own! (How would I know truth? What guides my conscience?) It seems that if there's something to be learned about truth, it's worth studying the one who call himself "truth."
What do you think? Does truth matter to you? Does your perception of "religious hypocrites" turn you off from seeking answers? Are you already spiritual or religious, but haven't thought in these terms? Is it simply being "open and honest?" Do you think it's a worthwhile pursuit to know truth? How about learning of Christ through scripture? Or do you feel/think truth is irrelevant to your life? Finally, how do you know something is true?
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Write to Heal
Have you seen the movie, Freedom Writers? It spoke to my heart big time. Within 2 weeks, I had seen the movie 6 times, read The Freedom Writers Diary, saw Erin Gruwell in person, and read her memoir, Teach With Your Heart. I cannot remember when someone's life work had such an impact on me.
I have been doing a lot of "work" to get back in touch, sensitive touch, with my heart. My passions were driven from me at a young age. Instead, I pursued what others thought was right for me. "You know? You're really good at blank. You should be a blankety-blank." Thanks!
You can probably guess I've never really been satisfied with my career choices. I thought work was something I did so I could enjoy life with the rest of my time. I'm tired of waiting for the balance that never comes because I'm not that easily satisfied. Rather, I'm going to pursue the passions of my heart and have faith that doors previously unseen will fly open to beautiful skies. I will exercise my write to heal.
The first step in that process, though I've written bits before, is to thank Ms. Gruwell for the tremendous encouragement she has unwittingly given me to chase my dreams. Below is the letter I wrote her just today.
Please let me know your thoughts on this letter, Erin Gruwell, the Freedom Writers, or your own personal story of suffering and/or triumph. Also, please share this blog with others, too. We all have the write to heal and here's an opportunity.
I have been doing a lot of "work" to get back in touch, sensitive touch, with my heart. My passions were driven from me at a young age. Instead, I pursued what others thought was right for me. "You know? You're really good at blank. You should be a blankety-blank." Thanks!
You can probably guess I've never really been satisfied with my career choices. I thought work was something I did so I could enjoy life with the rest of my time. I'm tired of waiting for the balance that never comes because I'm not that easily satisfied. Rather, I'm going to pursue the passions of my heart and have faith that doors previously unseen will fly open to beautiful skies. I will exercise my write to heal.
The first step in that process, though I've written bits before, is to thank Ms. Gruwell for the tremendous encouragement she has unwittingly given me to chase my dreams. Below is the letter I wrote her just today.
Please let me know your thoughts on this letter, Erin Gruwell, the Freedom Writers, or your own personal story of suffering and/or triumph. Also, please share this blog with others, too. We all have the write to heal and here's an opportunity.
Dear Ms. Gruwell,
I had purchased your memoir, Teach With Your Heart, when you came to speak and sign books in
In the book, I learned of the loss of your father. I'm so sorry. I lost my father as well, and he died very suddenly, too, from a heart attack. It started with a phone call from my stepmother, Christina, only this call was at 3:15am, and she wasn't calling to inform me about his death, she didn't know.
I could make out what she was saying although she was crying over the phone. She’d been crying for a while. While visiting her parents in
On the twenty minute drive over there, I had to fight back the tears so I could see the quiet, dark road. I had a horrible vision of finding his body floating in the pool. "No!" I scolded myself. "Don't imagine the worst! I don't know yet what I'll find."
His house was tucked back in the woods about a hundred yards. Driving up the packed gravel driveway, I could see that the house was eerily black. There were no lights on: no porch lights, no night lights, nothing. I don’t recall if the moon was out. I could hear Rusty barking from upstairs as I walked up to the side door like I had done so many times before. I had an extra key and let myself in. I knew something was wrong. At first, I thought he didn't make it home. Maybe he slept somewhere else. But why would Rusty be trapped upstairs? I was more puzzled than worried at this moment, but only slightly.
My confusion disappeared in a flash, however, as I entered his bedroom and turned on the light. From a distance he looked like he was sleeping, flat on his back. I quietly called out, "Dad!" a few times. No movement. I thought, “Why is he sleeping so heavily?” Perhaps he drank too much on his golf outing that day. As I crept forward, I saw that his eyes were slightly open and that he was not breathing. Panic set in. I started crying hard as I ran to his side of the bed, blubbering, "no, No, NO!" I grabbed his wrist to feel for a pulse, sobbing. His wrist was cold, but that didn't deter me from firmly holding on to it, unintelligibly praying that even a faint pulse would be felt. Nothing.
We had become best friends within the last year. Prior to that, it was a struggle, to say the least. My parents divorced when I was less than 5 years old. I grew up with my mom. At first, visits with my dad were usually about doing something fun, like water skiing in the summer or cuddling together with him, my brother, and my sister to watch Frank Capra’s "It's a Wonderful Life" while sipping hot chocolate on Christmas Eve.
In high school, however, that dramatically changed. My mom was "cool" and my dad was not. More accurately, my mom represented home and let me do whatever I wanted. My dad extended an invitation to live with him and my stepmother and was the disciplinarian. I chose the comfortable, easy way. That decision became the foundation for my rebellion.
After high school, I realized I needed him and his lessons, but my rebel ways were deeply entrenched. My real wake up call was not his environment or lectures. It was an auto accident that nearly killed me. I was not at fault, merely in the wrong place at the wrong time when a drunk driver fell asleep at the wheel. Seconds earlier or later this would not have happened to me. My father was reassuringly by my side during my recovery. Since then, my appreciation for him grew significantly.
I fought the tears as best I could. I had to call Christina back to let her know. Even though there was a phone next to the bed, I ran downstairs to call from the kitchen. I don't know why. Maybe I just didn't want to be in the same room with his lifeless body when I talked to a live person. Maybe I just didn't want to see my father, dead, so I could instead focus on what I had to do. Maybe I just didn’t want to believe that my father had died.
I dialed the phone through heavy tears, pausing to make sure I was pressing the right buttons. When Christina picked up, I was already pacing, impatient after just one ring. I began sobbing again and blurted, "I think he's dead," intelligibly as I could, wondering why I said, "think." She became hysterical. So did I.
Next, I managed to focus enough to call the police and my uncle, my dad's older brother. While waiting for them to arrive, I avoided the bedroom and wandered around the rest of the house. Looking out back, I noticed the pool was close to overflowing and that the water from the hose was still running. He was filling the pool for the summer. He didn't plan to die, but he did. I didn't plan to begin crying again at that moment, but I did.
I know of such a place. For me, it's in my head, deep in my thoughts, and tucked away from my heart. It’s logical and feels safe, but it's not genuine and I've been there too long. What I've learned of your life, your passion, and of the Freedom Writers has brought me back home, where my heart has been waiting patiently. Thank you for showing me your heart so I could recognize mine.
I’m humbly grateful for your continued dedication and wish you all the best for the Freedom Writers Foundation. It all started for me with a movie I rented (and since purchased) called, Freedom Writers, and my journey is far from over. Seeing you in person at
I’ve made several starts in the recent past to write meaningfully, but then other things became more important. You’ve taught me by example that giving from the heart is important. Now, I'm encouraged to prepare for endurance and truly share the depths of my creativity and passion through writing; something I’ve wanted to do for a long time. In turn, I hope others will find the courage to be honest with themselves, grow from the experience, and share the amazing discovery. Your enthusiasm is contagious!
Sincerely Yours,
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