Friday, February 17, 2012

When I Don't Know What to Write, I Read What I Wrote

When I don't know what to write, I read what I wrote. When I read what I wrote, I'm amazed at how enthusiastic I was about writing.

Yet, I notice huge gaps of time between my posts on this blog. Huge gaps! My introduction to 'Write to Heal', for example, made it sound like I was going to write every few minutes. But, I did not, as evidenced herein.

Why not? Four reasons stand out:
  1. I don't know what to write, 
  2. I write elsewhere other than this blog, 
  3. I'm not making and taking the time to write, and 
  4. I'm embarrassed that my journey through life and Christianity isn't perfected and I will be judged by those who know me. This is a big one and a reason for the others.
I do believe what I have to say will resonate with a few. There will be those who appreciate what I've written and shared. Therefore, I'm encouraged and I write.

But, those few are not likely to be the ones most vocal in my life. Rather, it's my perceived judgment of this latter group that scares me. I fear being honest and vulnerable in my writing because I fear repercussions. It keeps me from writing personally and genuinely because I'm too busy validating my own shame based on someone else's opinion of me.

Yet, as time goes by, each day, I realize more fully that I am in Christ, and Christ is in me, and the Father is me, and I am in Him just as Christ is in Him and He is in Christ.

In that day you will know that I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you. (John 14:20)

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. (2 Corinthians 4:16)

The good news is I've gone through various worldly disappointments. I had hoped for deeper earthly acceptance and greater success, but I'm met with little, by worldly standards anyway. This is indeed "good news" because I've learned and still learn not to put my hope and trust in the world.

I've come to accept circumstances that were out of my control, instead of trying to force my preferred result. I've come to accept people for who they are, and acknowledge my inability to change others, instead of trying to force my thoughts, methods, and standards on them.

I thought I needed to be treated a certain way in order to feel loved. I needed to hear my love language spoken. The silence, however, has made me realize, more than anything, that real love comes from God, and I find love in what I give, rather than what I get.

Familiar with Psalm 23? If not entirely, I've pasted it below. 

I'd like to focus on just a tiny phrase of just one verse for now: my cup overflows. Here's the ironic thing I learned about love; I feel loved when I love others from a pure heart, and I am able to love others from a pure heart because God first loved me.

Therefore, I've learned, rather, am learning, imperfectly, to seek God first. Know Him. Pray to Him. Treasure His precious words of revelation to me in scripture.

Let His words be my, and your, 'Revelations For Life'. Amen!

Psalm 23:1-6

A Psalm of David. The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

1 comment:

cynthia said...

This is one of my most favorite prayers. I say it often!