This world is both confusing and confused. The complexity of human-generated problems in the world is beyond my comprehension.
Much of what the world praises doesn't make sense to me anymore. At one time it did because I didn't think much on it. Now, it amazes me how upside-down our priorities can be.
What am I to do?
Conformity is not my specialty if I don't understand why and agree with the reasons. You've given me so many reasons and validation for believing in You.
Yet, I've wasted so much time trying to fit in to this world, teetering between feeling like a misfit and trying to conform to the patterns of this world, which are simultaneously particular and peculiar.
There is no fitting in.
There is no place for me here. I am no longer of the world. Rather, my goal is to stop being conformed to the patterns of this world and be transformed by the renewing of my mind (Romans 12:2*).
Of course I'm a misfit!
I'm a sojourner in this world. But, my sojourn is not a vacation where I lie in a hammock in the tropical sun sipping piña coladas to my heart's desire. It's more like a tour of duty overseas where I risk getting my heart ripped out.
Am I giving up? Not at all!
Quite the opposite, in fact. I consider Your rewards in Christ, Father, for example, there's joy, peace, love, and freedom - and all for eternity, versus the temporary satisfaction and pleasures of the world.
At the very least, there's striving to reduce the painful experiences of poverty, ill health, suffering, and loss. There's a time for everything under the sun, including fun and pain. Yet, all is vanity and striving after the wind if I simply try to fit it all in before I die.
I'd rather take at least some time to store up treasure in heaven...
I'd rather search Your word for the unsearchable riches that are in Christ (Eph 3:8). I'd rather know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge and filled with Your fullness (Eph 3:19). I'd rather learn from You who can do exceedingly abundantly more than I can ask or think (Eph 3:20).**
I'd rather discover Your secret and hidden wisdom that was destined for my glory before time began (1 Cor 2:6-10).***
What a perfect fit!
* Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:2 ESV)
** To me, though I am the very least of all the saints, this grace was given, to preach to the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ, (Ephesians 3:8)
and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. (Ephesians 3:19)
Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, (Ephesians 3:20)
*** Yet among the mature we do impart wisdom, although it is not a wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are doomed to pass away. But we impart a secret and hidden wisdom of God, which God decreed before the ages for our glory. None of the rulers of this age understood this, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. But, as it is written, "What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him"-- these things God has revealed to us through the Spirit. For the Spirit searches everything, even the depths of God. (1 Cor 2:6-10 ESV)